Me

I dedicate this posting to Dan and Amy Swensen (not that they have to read), who more than anyone else, have very passively inspired me to put into words some type of description or understanding about who I am. For starters I would like to offer 2 reasons as to why this is a such large task for me.
#1 is because I believe strongly that -- what is, is. Whether I like it or I don't like it, or whether I have a strong opinion or no opinion about it, it has been and will always be -- what it is. It's the ebb and flow of life, I feel more in tact when I go with it rather than churn against it. (Not that I easily flow but I feel good if I happen to)
#2 the only constant is change. It is difficult for me to say anything definitive for that reason. I don't feel like I am being honest with myself when I commit to an opinion or to a speculation. Once I do, I may have an experience or someone I know or am close to may have an experience, or the very thing itself may change and then I may think completely different. I feel that the definite or the commitment is too final, it may close a door that I would like to stay open. I want to keep myself open to have the full experience of what else there might be.

I've yet to make total peace with what is, is, and with change. But they have kept me from "saying it like it is" because honestly I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know, maybe I don't want to commit without knowing if I can follow through with exactness. Now for some of the things that ARE and that have been consistent in my life, this is going to be so fun, so hold on to the edge of your seats:

Besides all the testimony stuff.
*I cherish my parents and my siblings beyond words. They share the roots of my soul. I hold a soft spot in my heart for my dad, I don't understand the chemistry of what bonds souls together and makes them feel that tenderness for certain people, but I feel that for him. (whether I've told him or not, I'm assume he knows it)
*I love all of my brothers and sisters, and I'm close to my sister Jenny, maybe its our closeness in age, but we are symbiotic, I know that's not a word, but that's what we call it.
*I feel a strong stewardship over my kids, and a pre-life bond with them. I feel like less of a parent (except when they won't be QUIET) and more of a "means" for them to fill the measure of their creation.
*Cameron has been a gift sent for me. (Not that I did anything to deserve it, but I do love gifts) I would walk to the end of God's green earth for him, but only if he came with me. He is my life. He is my love. He has taken over the softest place in my heart and is all nestled in for a long winters nap. I love him now and forever.

Now the fun part, some details that I believe have been right on in describing me. This first on was given out of the JS-History. My dada mentioned in my farewell (remember I went on a mission? you know? to Chile?) talk that this quote described me farely well:

In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great or malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained (by one who was called of God as I had been). But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament.

I may seem "not caring" here and there in life. Those are the times when I haven't fought against "what is". Contrary to that, I care very much, maybe more than I would like to sometimes. I cherish life, and friendships. They are so much a part of who I am. But we'll talk about that later.

Next, I'm not sure many know this, but I am happy by nature. It is in my being to be happy to have fun to love and be playful. I feel passion for life, that sounds so dumb. But I do.

Some things I love that you may not know (besides the obvious) I love to read, I know I know, I've played the hate to read card, but I never explained very well, hmm, weird. I love to read, BUT I know myself pretty good, I know if I want to read, I will read and no one and nobody had better get in my way of it. Well since that is not the time in my life (you know? because of kids?) I've chosen to leave the books on the shelf for a while. It's usually all or nothing with me.

Next, I enjoy learning! I think learning things that don't interest me is way cool, just to see if my opinion can change of it. I mean sure I prefer to learn the things I want to first, but I'm not apposed to the stuff I'd never even think about, like...taking a coupons class, hee hee. Something else that may surprise you is that I graduated in Computer Programming with a 3.8, call me crazy, but I did quite well in College for having skirted my way through High School.

I hate good-byes. I believe they are relentlessly painful.
I don't like surprises but I like presents, but that's not set in stone.
I love thunder/lightning storms.
I have 2 regrets in life. But have loved the rest.

False Perceptions of Me
I like the lime light
I don't care
I am not sarcastic hee hee
I am not spiritual
I am mad at Cam for making us move
I am always happy and rarely tired
I don't yell at my kids
I come up with fun games
I'm sad and bitter to move to Logan
I'm happy to leave you all
I'm going to die and be bored stiff in Logan

K, next when I was little I liked to make up songs, the one I'm most well known for goes a little something like this, hit it.

You're my little kitty, don't cry little kitty, you're my little kitty, so don't cry little kitty, because you're my little kitty, don't cry little kitty, you're my little kitty, ... then it escalated from there. I'll get a copy and post it on here sometime. For ever after that my sisters would buy me stupid cat paraphernalia, now we all buy it for all of us and our kids. It's was really a composition ahead of it's time.

Things I'm passionate about:

Mountain Biking duh
Cameron yes in close 2nd
Family
Friends
Doing Everything or Trying Everything or Going Anywhere
Flowers and Plants
Animals and Creatures
Weather and Climate
Scat and Tracks and Maps
Running and Mountain Climbing
Summiting a mountain
Navigating a river
Circuducting a lake
Seeing someone become happy
Seeing someone enjoy something cool
Seeing someones passions and talents
Enjoying other peoples personalities and characters and skills and friendships

Answer to your previous questions:
I do plan on visiting you all and continue future plans. I can't commit to the frequency.
I will wave past your house or stop and say hi.
I don't know how often, I do know things can't be the same, but I do love you crazies enough that I will continue to pursue a lasting friendship.
You have all left a substantial mark with the Peterson's and we both (and all) will miss you terribly and although we understand that things will inevitably be different, you will be our friends always.

That's ME in a box.